Well guys,
Sorry it's been a while since I checked in. I kept meaning to but you know how it is sometimes. In the months since I last posted I have been busy with exams, essays and lectures. So let's start with the exams. They were pretty much straight after Christmas and I just seemed to hit a wall. I was so tired after placement whenever I sat down to revise I just couldn't focus so in the end I had to take a step back, have a few days off from it all which only left me with a few days to prepare for the exam. Needless to say I was really worried about whether I would pass or not and in the written exam I thought I had let myself down with bad exam technique. I didn't have a problem with what was on the paper, it was simply getting all the info down in the allotted time! I noticed in the first year I was struggling with this and I actually ran out of time so I was panicked. There was also an OSCE which at the time I thought I did brilliantly on and finished well in time. Between the two I thought I had a pass and I tried not to worry over it, thought I did a good job of not worrying too until the results came out. It turned out I did really well - I averaged over 70% between the two exams although I did good on the written exam and not so good on the OSCE which was a surprise.
However, I didn't realise how stressed I was waiting for these reults because when I got them I was so relieved I just felt physically and mentally drained but now I also feel pressure to do well in everything else. So that had me worrying about the next essay due in and again cos of the worry I just couldn't and didn't know where to start so I ended up putting too much pressure on myself to get it all done and I wasn't really in the right frame on mind to do it until the last minute. It was like I'd forgotten how to write an essay....I felt totally clueless and ended up talking to my partner about how I was feeling as I was getting so worried about my inability to sit and concentrate on anything. I was actually thinking of going to see/speak to someone....I still might. I have never been one for leaving things til last minute and I'd never left anything as late as the last essay but I guess stress does funny things to you. It's hard to concentrate and do work or even manage to go into uni some days when you have literally not slept in days and feel at a total loss. It's not a nice feeling at all. And then because I haven't done any work cos I'm too tired to see straight the pattern repeats at night....not being able to sleep for thinking about the work I have not yet started! To be honest though, I can't blame it all on uni. I have had lots of other personal things going wrong in my life and whizzing around in my head at night which has caused a lot of stress and sleepless nights. I was actually quite proud of the end result and think I did myself justice all things considered, I just have to wait now for the results.
I actually came on here to look up something I wrote about that I experienced on placement for a reflective assignment that is due in this week and I am pretty much only just starting. I was managing to feel a little less stressed last week but I'm confused about how to tackle it or where to start really, so again I have had my fair share of sleepless nights this week. Managed to get a proper sleep last night though, I was determined so I could get some work done today. I didn't think it would do any harm posting here, probably do me good in fact to have a bit of a moan and "reflect" I suppose. Practice for the real thing :-) And I do actually feel better already. Sometimes I really do think I do put too much pressure on myself and I should just ease up and not stress about everything as much as I do. I will feel a lot better after today hopefully once I've had a read through my journals and put a plan of action together. i think I'm halfway there having started looking up models of reflection and so on so that's some progress.
So all in all I do seem to be progressing well both on placement and uni and have received good feedback for both. Just need to get my head down and keep plugging away. Since we started back in the New Year several people have left the course for different reasons. I guess we are approaching the business end of the course now and people can really tell if it's for them or not and it certainly isn't easy! So I guess if your heart's not in it or whatever it's going to be even harder to make it to the end. It's hard to believe that I'm pretty much half way through my 3 years and that in 17 months I will hopefully be graduating. Scary stuff!
Once this essay is handed in next week I've got a few more weeks at uni and then I'll be back on placement. I have my assessment when I go back so not looking forward to that. I just hope I won't be too rusty as it's been a while. Anyway, that's enough for now. Time to get back to the essay.
I'll try not to be such a stranger on here from now on, especially as like I say I'll be back on placement soon.
