Well I haven't really got anything to report this week but thought it was worthwhile still coming and making a post so I can work through some of the things in my mind that have turned me into such a slob lately. I just can't seem to get going and genuinely I think up until Weds I was still feeling under the weather with my cold which didn't make me feel so bad about staying home, doing pretty much nothing and eating comfort food non-stop. The problem is I feel better now (cold-wise) but I still feel physically/mentally worn out and so nothing has changed and I guess I feel guilty for it.
I keep saying to myself not to be so hard cos I always tell myself off for doing nothing and then when I think over what I have done and talk to other people at uni I'm well ahead and started/finished things they have given very little thought to (if any) yet. Truthfully I know I just worry too much but I feel so stuck in a mental rut at the moment and don't really know how to get out of it. I seem to have little interest in anything at the moment besides staying home as I feel so drained and can't even be bothered to keep up with my hobbies and interests at the moment and find that I'm getting easily annoyed because I just don't want to be bothered. I do get like this sometimes but this feels like longer and earlier than normal and usually by now I'd have figured out how to shake it but at the moment I feel like I just don't know where to start.
I finally plucked up the courage to look in my diary this morning as daft as it sounds to see what I've got going on at uni the next few weeks and thankfully it's not as bad as I thought so that was a relief and I was glad I looked. I can feel the dreaded nerves coming again as I have a few presentations to do in the coming weeks and you know how I feel about that.....
Anyway the idea was to come on here and set myself some goals and find my way back into the land of the living. I will allow myself a few more days to mope or whatever it is I've been doing, not that I feel sad or like I have anything to mope over but I just feel...I don't even really know! Well yes part of my does know if I'm honest with myself. Other than uni I've had a pretty tough 12-18 months and I just feel defeated. It's hard to keep picking myself up and carrying on and is going to take some getting over. I just wish I would hurry up and get over it and not let it sneak up and get me down. However, I really do think that is only a part of the problem. In a nutshell it feels like I'm on a treadmill and I kind of wanna get off if for a little while that makes sense.
So as of Monday I am going to get back to normality and knuckle down to it properly. Eat right, throw myself back into my hobbies, try to worry less and not let people or situations get me down. I've come this far I know it will be worth it so I'm not about to throw it all away. Slowly but surely is the key. Feel much better for coming here and letting it out. Time for me to kick my own ass.
Wish me luck guys and thanks for listening (sort of) :)
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